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Dear
Chuck,
Why does my wife put so much emphasis
on how our home looks? It
seems like every little thing needs to be in place ... especially if
we have company coming.
Chuck's
Response
I believe a woman, whether she works in the
marketplace or not, gets much of her self worth from how her home
looks. Even women who are top CEO's in our high-tech world
will still feel bad if the kitchen is a mess when she leaves for
work, and may be found scrubbing the floor at 7:30 at night even if
she has an early morning breakfast meeting the next day. On the
other hand men tend to get their identity from their work. It’s
interesting to note that almost every man mentioned in the Bible is
identified by his work; David the Shepherd, Paul the Tentmaker,
Matthew the Tax Collector, Peter the Fisherman, Jesus the Carpenter.
On the other hand, most women are identified by their RELATIONSHIPS.
She can be very successful in the marketplace but most of her self
esteem comes from how her home looks and people in her life. Sure
she likes to succeed too, but her whole life is not tied up in that.
On
the other hand, most women are identified by their RELATIONSHIPS.
She can be very successful in the marketplace but most of her self
esteem comes from how her home looks and people in her life. Sure
she likes to succeed too, but her whole life is not tied up in that.
This
is evident when Barb and I meet a new couple socially. I will
introduce myself as Chuck Snyder, I have an Advertising Agency and
write books and do lay counseling. Barb will introduce herself
as Barb Snyder, Chuck's wife, and mother of 3 kids and she has 6
Grandchildren. She might even mention that we adopted our
daughter Debbie when she was 34 years old, and had all of the family
over to our home for Christmas. Barb writes books too, teaches
Bible studies and seminars, and does counseling, and is my business
partner, but she identifies herself by her relationships, while I
usually identify myself by what I do for a living.
Over
the years it has become quite evident that our home is where Barb
finds most of her identity. Barb and I have separate bathrooms in
our home. She has been complaining over the years that I
didn't get all of the soap out of my towel and washcloth in the
mornings after I had finished getting ready for my day. She
said she could "stand them in the corner by themselves",
which is probably true ... but since we rarely invite guests to tour
my bathroom, the chances are slight that anyone would be offended by
my towel and washcloth in a stiffened condition. In fact, the
only one who has ever been offended in 47 plus years of marriage by
a tour of my bathroom is Barb. Since evidently my towel and
washcloth reflects on her self-image, I have been under a great deal
of pressure to try and wash all of the soap out of my towel and
washcloth better. The problem is how can I become a success in
life if I spend until noon every day getting the soap out? One
time Barb bought me a brand new towel and washcloth and presented
them to me with the strong admonition that I keep them fresh and
clean. Well you'll be proud. They are as fresh and clean
as the day she brought them home from the store. That's
because I've never USED them! I call them my CEREMONIAL towel
and washcloth. I have ANOTHER towel and washcloth standing
behind the bathroom door that I use for my morning routine.
Now our guests won't be offended needlessly if and when they ever
stumble into my bathroom.
We
men need to remember that the mud on the rug that we dragged in
makes our WIVES feel muddy. Or if the work we’re doing on the
shower is not complete SHE’S not complete. We won’t understand
this, but we need to accept the fact that this is how most women are
designed and get over it.
Chuck
Snyder |
