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Dear
Chuck
I am a 22 year-old single woman who feels a strong attraction to a
married man at work. I am ashamed of myself as I write this. These
feelings go against everything I've ever believed in. I know God
doesn't approve of it.
It
all started when this guy started teasing me. He doesn't mean
anything by it, he just likes to tease and it seems like he's
flirting. I know this because I questioned another woman I work
with. When I first became attracted to him, it was when I was new to
the company and I didn't even know he was married. He seems to be
the epitome of everything I've ever wanted in a man. He's
even-tempered, kind and respectful to everyone, and has a great
sense of humor.
Before
you start thinking I'd ever consider an affair, I wouldn't. I love
God too much to do that. So I live with these torturous feelings. I
feel like God is teasing me, letting me meet the man of my dreams
when I can’t have him. It’s like God is sort of dangling a
carrot in front of me. Please help me figure out how to deal with
these feelings.
Chuck's
Response
My heart really went out to you. What’s happening to you is called
biology. I studied it in college, :>). You did nothing wrong in
falling in love with this wonderful guy. The problem is, he has been
defrauding you whether he meant to or not. I don’t know how well
you know God, but this guy CAN’T be the man of your dreams; he’s
married. God would not put you in this sort of situation to see you
squirm.
It’s
like me going around a corner and running into a car I didn’t see
until too late. God did not plan for me to do that. It was natural
law. I was going too fast, or didn’t properly look for traffic.
God didn’t have anything to do with this except to help me get
through the hurts. The reason your friend can seem so wonderful is
that you and he have no commitment. Men are always on their best
behavior when they are not committed to someone. He would be better
off giving his wife the attention he is giving you. Like I say, I
don’t know his heart, but sometimes when things are not going real
well at home, a man’s eyes will wander a bit if he’s not
careful.
This
has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Now that
you know his situation, you need to cool off the relationship so he
won’t get the wrong signals from you. Be kind and courteous, but
distant. There is nothing for you to gain and everything to lose by
maintaining a close relationship with a married man.
I
doubt these words soothe your heart, and I wish I had better news,
but these are my thoughts on the situation for your consideration.
Be sure to let me know if you want to talk further.
- Chuck
Snyder
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