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Dear
Chuck,
Our
first one to leave the nest has finished up her freshman year at
college and is coming home for the summer. We need help setting up
boundaries and guidelines in advance so her father and I can be a
team on the same page. She is a Christian and is attending an
accredited Bible college. We have noticed she has become more
lenient in her choice of movies, music, mode of dress and topics of
conversation. Not to mention curfews!! We love her, we are happy to
have her come home. But there are other siblings who are going to be
watching, mimicking and impressed with her actions. Thanks for your
advice.
Chuck's
Response
Thanks for the note about your daughter coming
home from college for the summer. I suggest that after she gets
home, you and your husband take her out for a nice dinner and talk
about her year and tell her 10 things she is doing
"right." Then, after dessert, gently and kindly lay out
the rules you have for the summer. I hope you won't have too many.
You can't be her Holy Spirit -- she already has one of those, no
doubt. Just explain that the younger kids will be watching her, so
lay out the rules that are important to you. I'd even be willing to
take a glance at them and give you an outside viewpoint if you would
like me to. She is an adult now, even though she will still be under
your roof. The highest goal for a parent is to help make their kids
independent before they leave home for the final time. I hope she is
mature enough to want to be a good example for the other children.
This might set her on the right path. If not, then get back to me
with what she is doing that is wrong ... and I'd be happy to give
you my thoughts. Be sure to let me know if you want to talk further.
- Chuck
Snyder
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