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This
reader who struggles with lesbianism raises some extremely important
questions about the impact of our sins upon our relationship with
Jesus. The following is Part 1 of her email exchange with
Chuck Snyder. Click here to read her second letter, What
If I Keep Sinning?, or her third letter, I
Gave in to Temptation.
Dear
Chuck,
I
am a 30-year-old single woman, and before I came to know Christ a
few years ago, I was living in sin in that I had three romantic
relationships with female friends.
After
I came to know Christ, I was so thrilled because I was looking
forward to a new life with normal relationships with men. But in the
years since then, whenever I get close to a female friend, I will
feel the temptations and I need to constantly restrain my emotions
towards them (it has happened with four women so far) because I know
it is wrong.
But
now I have succumbed to temptation with one of these women. I am
grieving. I still acknowledge Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and
everyday I feel guilty.
I
concluded recently that I was born with a defect - lesbianism. Girls
tend to like me naturally, and I like them too.
Chuck,
please provide me with insights about this. Where can I get
information about overcoming lesbianism and leading a normal life,
or is there such a remedy at all? Do I have to carry with me this
defect for the rest of my life? Do I have to stay single forever?
I
have been asking the Lord to help me lead a normal life, and I look
forward to getting married, but I can't. My spirit is willing but my
flesh is weak.
Chuck's
Response
I praise God every day that we can talk privately about things that
the church and our Christian friends get nervous about, like
lesbianism.
I
have to disagree with you on one thing, however. I don't think a
person is born with this "defect." Let me explain. You're
probably aware of God's opinion of homosexuality. Romans 1:20-27
(Living) talks about this:
"Since
earliest times men have seen the earth and sky and all God made, and
have known of his existence and great eternal power. So they will
have no excuse when they stand before God at Judgment Day. Yes, they
knew about him all right, but they wouldn't admit it or worship him
or even thank him for all his daily care. And after a while they
began to think up silly ideas of what God was like and what he
wanted them to do. The result was that their foolish minds became
dark and confused So God let them go ahead into every sort of sex
sin, and do whatever they wanted to -- yes, vile and sinful things
with each other's bodies. Instead of believing what they knew was
the truth about God, they deliberately chose to believe lies. So
they prayed to the things God made, but wouldn't obey the blessed
God who made these things. That is why God let go of them and let
them do all these evil things, so that even their women turned
against God's natural plan for them and indulged in sex sin with
each other. And the men, instead of having normal sex relationships
with women, burned with lust for each other, men doing shameful
things with other men and, as a result, getting paid within their
own souls with the penalty they so richly deserved."
The
reason I have a problems with the idea that God designed people to
be lesbians or homosexuals at birth, is that the God I worship would
not do that and then blast these precious people in the first
chapter of Romans. That would not be fair, and my God is fair. Of
course there are people who battle more with these feelings than
others, but in my mind it flies in the face of Scripture to say that
a person is born that way.
Now
this is very easy for me to say, and so difficult for you to
do, but since homosexuality and lesbianism are choices, then you
have to make the choice by a gut-level decision to
immediately stop the thoughts that satan brings to your mind and not
dwell on them. It is not a sin to be tempted. Christ was
tempted. It just means that when (not if) these thoughts come, you
need to decide not to offend God with your thoughts and
actions that would be absolutely contrary to what He wants from you,
and tell Satan, "Buzz off, you old serpent!" We either
have to give up the Bible and God and do things our own way, or die
to ourselves and obey God. He will let us do either, but He only
blesses obedience.
There
is no problem having friendships with women of course, but if you
find yourself thinking sexual thoughts, then you need to move on.
You may never be comfortable with men and that is not a sin, either.
You have a bigger battle in your life than most people have. But
because of this, you will be a powerful model for others who are in
the same situation.
As
far as being single the rest of your life, I have no idea what God
has planned for you. Since you know now that you are not designed by
God to be a lesbian ... maybe this will give you more power to put
this aside and realize that it is a choice. God knows your struggle
and can do amazing things in people's lives. I'm glad I know how to
pray for you. Those are my thoughts for your consideration. Let me
know if you want to talk further.
Here's
the address of two Christian organizations that might be able to help.
Chuck
Snyder
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