|
Dear
Chuck
My husband is
usually really sweet and attentive, but he has to be in control. Our
lives were filled with romance and unity until he recently became
unemployed. Since then his self-esteem -- along with our marriage --
has eroded. All of the strong attributes he used to love in me, he
now views as direct contradictions to his current condition. I've
tried to be very patient and sensitive, but from my perspective, it
appears as though he should have more faith. What's worse is that
he's become very possessive and insecure. He's not physically
violent, but he can be withdrawn. Most of the time I don't realize
I've upset him. He also seems to be confused and detached a great
deal of the time. Most of the negative behavior I see is not new,
I've seen it before, but I thought he'd grown.
Chuck's
Response
Thanks
for the note about your husband and his troubles. I would say that
at least 95 percent of a man's self esteem comes from what he does
and accomplishes at his work. People are quick to say that we should
get our self-esteem from Christ, but it is not the same thing. Our
greatest fear is failure, and when we fail at work, our whole world
has collapsed. Is he making any attempt to find another job? He
needs to be spending his time looking for full-time work, but
probably won't accept this advice from you. If you think he would be
open to talking to me about it, be sure and give him my e-mail.
Finding work is what is going to get him back on the track.
If
I were you I would give God some time to work in his life and
continue to be there for him right now, even though it means your
needs will probably not be met. I recognize that such advice is easy
for me to say, but he is going through a very threatening time ...
and needs every bit of support you can give him.
If
it gets too bad, buy the book called Foolproofing Your Life
by Jan Silvious. It's about setting boundaries and living with a
controller. Hopefully it will be a relatively short time, but if it
drags out, be sure to let me know and we can talk further.
Chuck
Snyder |
