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Dear
Chuck
I have a girlfriend
that I am going to marry. I love her deeply and she loves me deeply
too. We are really in love with one another. But there is this part
of her that I cannot forget. I went into this relationship knowing
that she has been intimate with another person before. I choose to
forget but I can't. So many times I just wished she had never told
me this, but I do know that honesty is such an important part of any
relationship. And I really appreciate her for her boldness and
honesty.
How
can I manage this? I can't discuss it even with her because I am
afraid it might hurt her and cause her to brood over her past ways.
Hurting her is the last thing I want to do, and I am lost. Help me,
Chuck...
Chuck's
Response
Thanks
for the note about your fiancé and her having had sex with someone
else before she met you. I think it's a matter of you looking at the
situation as God does. I, of course, don't know this for sure, but
she probably has asked God's forgiveness for this sin with a broken
heart. Therefore, this is what He has done with her sin. HE HAS
FORGOTTEN IT! Here are some scriptures that talk about this.
"He
has removed our sins as far away from us as the east is from the
west." Psalms 103:12 (Living)
North
and south meet at some point. If you go north for awhile, eventually
you will begin to go south because of our round earth. However, if
you go east you'll always be going east. Or if you go west, you'll
always be going west. The two will never meet.
"Repent
ye, therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out,
when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the
Lord." Acts 3:19 (KJV)
"...
and blotted out the charges proved against you, the list of his
commandments which you had not obeyed. He took this list of sins and
destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross." Colossians
2:14 (Living)
"For
God was in Christ, restoring the world to himself, no longer
counting men's sins against them but blotting them out. This is the
wonderful message he has given us to tell others."
2 Corinthians 5:19 (Living)
You're
probably too young to remember blotters, but we used to use pen and
ink in school. We would blot the ink to keep it from smearing,
because it dried slowly. However, if you blotted it too quickly, you
took all the ink away. God's "blotter" erased all of our
sins.
"I
will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds when sins
have once been forever forgiven and forgotten, there is no need to
offer more sacrifices to get rid of them."
Hebrews 10:17-18 (Living)
"And
I will be merciful to them in their wrongdoing, and I will remember
their sins no more." Hebrews 8:12 (Living)
I
take God at His Word when the Bible says He will never remember our
sins anymore. They are forever out of His memory. What a gift that
is.
"It
was good for me to go through all of this bitterness. You have
delivered me from death, and have put all of my sins behind Your
back." Isaiah 38:17
I
love the picture of God reaching around and putting my sins behind
His back where He can't get at them. There are many other scriptures
that imply that our sins have been covered by Christ's blood and
thrown in the deepest sea. God forgives our mistakes, so we can
forgive others for their mistakes as well, and help them go on. So
if the God of the universe has forgiven and forgotten, why should we
still carry the burden?
I
realize this is sort of a mind exercise, but I don't think it is
fair for you to remember something that God has forgotten. We all
make mistakes and pay the consequences, but God blesses us and makes
us pure in His sight when we ask His forgiveness. If you think you
will carry this memory into the marriage, then don't get married.
Sex is the beautiful icing on the cake of marriage, and you would
not want to have anything contaminate that beautiful experience.
These are some thoughts. Let me know if you want to talk further.
Chuck
Snyder |
