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Dear
Chuck
I've been one of the regulars at the Crosswalk.com Singles
Forum for eight months now and something you said in one of your
columns has created quite a stir there.
I
would truly appreciate it if you could read through the 95% of
All Marriage Problems Are Caused by Men conversation in the
Singles Forum and clarify what you meant by that comment. It just
doesn't seem very loving to me to be having that discussion
"behind your back", when none of us can really know
exactly what you were trying to convey.
Keep
up the great work; whether people agree with you or not, you
certainly give us all something to think about. :)
God
bless!
Chuck's
Response
It
was nice to hear from you again. Thanks for letting me know about
all the unrest in the singles world because of my outlandish
statement about men being the cause of 95% of marriage problems. I'm
told Gary Smalley has also said something similar in one of his
later books.
I
have mentioned my thought to probably thousands of married people in
seminars in the last year or so and in my latest book called The
Way to a Woman's Heart. I don't know what people say behind my
back, but I have not had ONE MAN challenge me on the concept after I
explained why I felt this was true. Some would come up with a little
smirk on their face and say "I don't agree with your 95%
figure. I'm only 91%or 89% etc. I think 89% was the lowest figure I
have heard so far. Of course some guys probably go home angry at me,
but I surely don't think there are very many.
As
I explained in the article, women bring into marriage everything
needed to have a wonderful relationship by God's design. We men
bring in none that I can find. This is not man bashing. I'm not a
traitor to my own sex. I am simply stating a fact. Women are into
connecting; men are into independence. Women are into people and
relationships; men are into things. Women are into equality; men are
into winning and losing. Women are into details; men are into the
big picture. Women are into serving; men are into being in charge,
the Big Kahuna, leader, decision maker, up front.
Most
churches have been zeros in teaching men what women need. Our
pastors didn't know because they were men. Our Dads and Grandfathers
never said anything. Therefore we men are totally ignorant as to the
ways of a woman and we offend them terribly without meaning to. This
is why Barb and I agree totally with Dr. Howard Hendricks that when
we see a witchy wife, all wrinkled up like a prune, we never say
"what's wrong with her". We always say "what's wrong
with him". She is his glory, his radiation, reflecting back
what she is getting from him.
Again,
some women have issues, but in my experience working with couples,
their issues most of the time come from an abusive father or brother
or ex husband, some male in the past. Maybe the backlash is coming
from a remnant in the feminist movement that insists that men and
women are the same and therefore have similar gifts.
Maybe
you could ask your single's forum to give me some instances where
women have done things to ruin marriages that were not related to a
man somewhere in their past or present including a husband who did
not meet her needs past, or present and this was one of the things
that gave her wandering eyes. I'd be happy to talk further, but
these are my first thoughts for your consideration. My ears have
been burning lately, and I was wondering what it was. Now I know.
Thanks for your protection.
Chuck
Snyder |
