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Dear
Chuck
I need your
guidance! Four years ago, I fell in love and had an affair with a
married man. He promised he would leave his wife. We now have a two
year-old daughter. We are still in love. I want to be a Christian,
even though I have failed miserably in the past. I want to raise my
daughter as a Christian, and I know I need to be a role model for
her. My boyfriend and I are still involved. I want to be with him,
but I want to "turn over a new leaf" so to speak. I want
to follow God. I told him that I don't want to continue to have an
affair with him because he's still married. We love each other very
much, but I love God more. He wants to become a Christian again, but
"someday" is what he says. I cannot wait. This is a big
mess. What do you suggest??
Chuck's
Response
Thanks
for the note about your tangled life. I am so impressed that you
want to do the right thing. I know part of your heart is with your
married friend, but you have to cut him off cold. If you are having
sex then you are committing adultery, and even if you aren't, it is
still an affair of the mind which God considers the same thing as
having sex physically. I grieve for your daughter being caught in
this mess, but you can ask God's forgiveness for bringing her into
this world without any foundation. Your so-called friend needs to
turn over a new leaf and go back to his wife. In effect you are
enabling his gross sin just by continuing to be with him and letting
him come around. Hopefully you can put yourself in the shoes of that
poor wife and feel what she is feeling too. He never was a Christian
or he would not be abusing his wife in this way. I hope he DOES have
someone come into his life who can introduce him to Jesus Christ,
but that is not your problem. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN. because
you can get hurt worse. I know this is a hard message, but I took
you at your word that you "loved God more" than you do
your friend, so I needed to be honest. Dust your sandals and move
on. And by the way, I want you to know what God does with the sins
you have committed with your boyfriend. HE FORGETS THEM when you ask
His forgiveness with a broken heart. Here are some scriptures that
talk about this.
"He
has removed our sins as far away from us as the east is from the
west." Psalms 103:12 (Living Bible)
"Repent
ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out,
when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the
Lord." Acts
3:19 (KJV)
".and
blotted out the charges proved against you, the list of his
commandments which you had not obeyed. He took this list of sins and
destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross." Col 2:14
(Living Bible)
"For
God was in Christ, restoring the world to himself, no longer
counting men's sins against them but blotting them out. This is the
wonderful message he has given us to tell others." 2 Cor
5:19 (Living Bible)
You're
probably too young to remember blotters, but we used to use pen and
ink in school. We would blot the ink to keep it from smearing,
because it dried slowly. However if you blotted it TOO quickly, you
took all the ink away. We use a paper towel to blot water off a
kitchen counter. God's "blotter" erased all of our sins.
"I
will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds when sins
have once been forever forgiven and forgotten, there is no need to
offer more sacrifices to get rid of them." Heb 10:17-18
(Living Bible)
"And
I will be merciful to them in their wrongdoing, and I will remember
their sins no more." Heb 8:12 (Living Bible)
I
take God at His Word when the Bible says He will never remember our
sins anymorethey are forever out of His memory. What a gift that is.
"It
was good for me to go through all of this bitterness. You have
delivered me from death, and have put all of my sins behind Your
back." Isaiah 38:17
I
love the picture of God reaching around and putting my sins behind
His back where He can't get at them
There
are many other scriptures that imply that our sins have been covered
by Christ's blood and thrown in the deepest sea. God forgives our
mistakes, so we can forgive others for their mistakes as well, and
help them go on. After you ask God's forgiveness, you are as pure as
the purest snow. My prayer for you is that God will bring a true,
born again, sold out, dedicated disciple of Jesus Christ into your
life, who can love you and your precious little one like God
intended.
Chuck
Snyder |
